| homeless? |
[05 Feb 2009|04:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 disappointed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
a world so cold. |
] |
I am beginning to realize who my true friends, or lack thereof, are. I just got shut out, door slammed in the face, knife to the back, and insulted all in about five seconds. Brennan, Lauren, Courtney, and I were suppose to start looking for a house for rent for next year. I thought there for a second I was the only one serious about it because I was e-mailing the realtor and everything. Then Courtney decides to start telling me that she doesn't know if she's going to live off campus. Followed up with Brennan and Lauren not saying anything at all. Last night I tried to talk to Brennan about it because I needed to know if we were all still planning to live together... she flat out lied and didn't tell me about what was suppose to take place today. So here I am confused as hell as to why Lauren AND Brennan both randomly show up at my apartment; then as to why Courtney is starting to get her stuff together so they can all leave. So what do I do? I pop the question, "Hey where are yall going"... they all looked at each other with the same exact facial expression of, "Shit". Brennan then tells me that they're going to look at an apartment together.
Shut out.
Knife to the back.
Door slammed in my face.
Insulted.
Why couldn't they have just told me that they were planning on living with just them three rather than sitting here making me think that I was going to be able to move off campus next year and I was about to not sign of for a room and then get dicked out of the entire situation. I have no respect for all three of them. I am insulted that they lied to me and didn't just come tell me. I can't believe I am on this merry-go-round again.
When they left my only thought was, I don't want to live this life anymore. Here I am, once more, thinking that they were real, legit friends. Always telling me that I was their "best friend" and that I mean the world to them. FUCK THAT BULLSHIT I DON'T MEAN A GODDAMN THING TO YOU, YOU PIECES OF SHIT. Here's the point where I start to question everything about myself. Who are my real friends? Do I have real friends? Does anyone even give a rats ass about me? And so that thought falls into place: "I don't want to live anymore". Then I started to realize, they aren't worth it. I'm just tired of being alone. Tired of thinking that I have someone to run to when in all actuality no one is there.
I have no respect for them.
They only think of themselves.
They were about to leave me out in the cold, resulting in me having no place to live.
Homeless.
What selfish bitches.
|
|
| writers block. |
[05 Feb 2009|01:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Bjork. |
] |
I would like to say that I am just now making a post due to writers block but in all actuality I just haven't had the time. I'm back in Chattanooga for school... and for the first time this week in my entire college experience I actually wanted to go home. Shit hit the fan over the weekend and I'm beginning to learn that though some friends mean a whole lot to me it's not always going to be the same from the other side of the fence. I think I dedicate myself too much to friends and unfortunately they take that for granted. I, on the other hand, have gone through losing a best friend and now know not to take shit for granted. Unfortunately I have too big of a heart and most don't know that.
Furthermore, since my last entry Reed and I split. I knew in the back of my head it wasn't going to work anyways so I don't know why I gave it my effort but hey somethings got to give. I currently have no interest in anyone and I'm about as single as single gets... and I'm okay with that.
I haven't been to classes all week because on superbowl sunday my BAC level went a little too high resulting in me trying to use the bathroom then turning around to flush and I ended up flipping over the side of the bathtub and shattering my tailbone and spraining my ankle. Normally this wouldn't be a problem but considering UTC's campus has horrible hill's and long distance walking I decided to sit out (or... well... lay down) on this one and keep off of my tailbone. Though that was the plan, I ended up cleaning, martha stewart style, my entire apartment... it sparkles now. It's pretty nice.
I'm really excited about tonight because my friend Michelle is coming into town :]. I haven't seen her since October (?) last year. The night shall be spent sipping wine and playing some sort of "Myth" game and catching up. I guess you can say my life is generally going in the right direction. ...for now anyways.
Till next time, for whenever that may be...
HB
|
|
| hello world. |
[26 Dec 2008|02:38am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drained |
] |
I haven't had anything to do with this thing in over a year. I have been trying other blogs and well... not blogging at all. I'm still a pathetic blogger. Nevertheless, I have returned to this journal, take it for what it's worth... I don't have much to say here lately.
I'm currently in Clarksville and I'm not ready to pull my hair out yet, that's a plus. Things have changed a shit ton over the past year. I almost dropped out of UTC because I felt my calling was cosmetology, afterall I grew up around it and due to others comments I know I'm damn good at it. Nevertheless I'm still there and I still like it. I guess it's true that you party the hardest your freshman year because I haven't gone crazy this past semester but I guess we'll see. I'm currently dating a guy named Reed that I met at a party two months ago. It's nothing big. My brother in-law finally came home from being in rehab for over a year, so that's always exciting. My dad's restaurant caught on fire, I thought he died and my life was over... but he's still good n' kickin. I've dated two guys in the past year. I've still been hooked on Chase and he now calls me the step mother of his child... and for some random reason a rock came down from the heavens and hit me upside the head and I have finally come to the realization that I don't want to be with him anymore no matter how much he forces it upon me. A week after I come to this realization I met Reed. I don't know if it's anything special or not but I do know it has helped me not want to call Chase, which I haven't except to return his phone calls which thankfully he didn't answer both times. It sets it up to make me look like I'm nice enough to call back even though I no longer want to be with him. Oh the joy of mind games.
--end rant.
I'm suppose to get up early in the morning so I suppose the smart thing to do would be to get off here and go to sleep. Hopefully I won't die off for another year, but I suppose only time will tell.
-HB
|
|
| hello, world. |
[03 Oct 2007|09:22am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
old school shit |
] |
Lots has changed.
Honestly I forgot about this journal.
I'm about to go to class, therefore I will post larger afterwards.
My world has been flipped.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
stfu_haley's journal
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
